Have you ever done really well with losing weight and then no matter what you do, something always seems to crap out all the good you’ve done?  I did so well for a long time and then business got bad, the economy went into freefall, my relationship had a definite oops and I could go on but it would bore you to tears.

I lost my way.  I stopped taking care of myself and putting my health first and put everything and everyone else ahead of me.  I stopped exercising because I just didn’t have the time I told myself.  We had to let our staff go and we needed to do the work.  I kept telling myself that it wasn’t fair for me to go for a 30 minute walk while he was working.

Surely I’m not alone in making bad choices where my health is concerned.  I’m going to try again to get back into the groove of eating properly. I need small portions and no eating between meals and I know from past experience that this will work.

Why is it so difficult?

I read an article today about why overweight people, even people who’ve had lapband surgery like I have, can’t seem to keep it off.  We all hear about “I have a sweet tooth” and “I always feel hungry,” but maybe it has a lot less to do with the sweet tooth and feelings of hunger than we realize.

The problem is that we SEE ourselves as overweight.  That subconscious side of us that stores our memories and emotions has an image of us that is overweight.  If our subconsious is fat, how will we ever be able to overcome that?  I’ve lost a lot of weight but I still fight the urge to overeat every single day.

I’m going to take his advice and try to reprogram how my subsconscious sees me.  I started today by taking a photo of myself today and comparing it to how I looked at the end of 2007.  Huge difference..   here, I’ll show you.

So, you can see a difference, right?  Yeah I know, I’ve still got 30 pounds of boobage to lose but it will come off.  I’m going to work on my self image and try my best to see myself as a thin person.  Apparently that will help me more than anything else I can do.

So fingers crossed!

I told you that I’m scheduled at the end of November for my first gastric banding fill.  That’s more than a year and more than 50 pounds since my initial surgery.  I got sick and well, pretty much fell off the bandwagon until I started feeling better.

ast night I called my next door neighbor at our house in Australia.  It was wonderful to catch up with what’s going on with her and her family.  She and her husband are simply fantastic people and I miss them heaps.  Well, I did until Chris told me that she’s thinner than I am now!  Her treadmill broke a few months ago and I told her to go over to our house and borrow mine.  Little did I know that she was going to lose more weight than I had!

Now, I’m really motivated to lose another 5 kilograms before I head back to Australia for my doctor’s appointment.  I’m determined not to be heavier than she is!

Regardless how you feel about the war in Iraq, you should have a look at this music video done by soldiers there. Personally I always felt that it was wrong to go to war when diplomacy still had a chance, but that’s my opinion, just like you have yours. However, for the young men and women deployed there from all the countries represented, I will always support them and be grateful for the sacrifices they and their families are making.

This video is worth viewing. “If I Die Before You Wake”

My daughter is visiting from Florida and I asked her what I could cook that would feel “momsy” and she requested lasagne. Mr. GT doesn’t eat many desserts but he can’t pass up a profiterole (cream puff) so I made those for dessert.

I can hear you say, “GT, that’s gonna bring on a gallstone attack,” now, — but where were you when I was cooking??

The ambulance arrived at about midnight and I arrived at the hospital about 1:30. Along the way the combination of the nitrous oxide and the bumpy ride knocked the stone back into my gall bladder and when I got to the hospital I was fine.

The nurse admitted me and told me to have a nice rest and I could go home in the morning. Nice rest, ha! There was a really old lady across the hall that moaned and groaned all night and made a noise like she was hacking up her left foot all night long.

The doctor came in at 7:30am and thanked me for not calling him in at 1:30 and I asked if I could go home. “Yes, but don’t eat any more lasagne til you have surgery,” he said.

So I didn’t have any leftovers and I didn’t have the profiterole I was lusting for. I had a small tub of yoghurt instead. I promise it didn’t taste as good as I knew the dessert would taste but I felt more righteous.

I’m very pleased with my progress but I learned last night that the lapband isn’t anything to play games with. My husband is away in London for 3 weeks and I’m alone and I’m a bit lonely. I went back to my old habits and bought a small package of donuts and I ate them. I was going to eat one. That lasted until I ate one and then I ate two. They were mini donuts and it wasn’t a big package but it was too big for me.

At 2:30 I woke up and went to pee thinking it was morning. That’s when I realized I was in major pain. I didn’t know if I wanted to fart or throw up but I knew I was in trouble. I went back to bed and rolled back and forth and groaned (nobody was here to hear me except the dogs and they didn’t care). It hurt so much I thought I was in trouble.

After nearly an hour of this I decided to look on the net to find the nearest hospital. We’re new here and we live in a small town in the far north of New Zealand. It’s a tourist mecca called the Bay of Islands but the only hospital is about 40 minutes away in Kawakawa. So I decided I’d better shower and drive down there in case it got worse.

I brushed my teeth, turned on the shower and stepped in. The minute I stepped inside the shower and the hot water hit my body, the pain went away. I suppose it could be coincidence but it was weird in a wonderful way!

Then I was wide awake and watched tv for another hour or so. It’s 8:21am now and it feels like bedtime not work time!

Anyway, here are a couple of photos. The first one was taken the morning of my gastric banding surgery as I left for the hospital. The second was taken the day before yesterday. I have lost 18.7 kilograms or 41 pounds. I know I still have a long way to go, but hey, I’m smaller than when I met my husband for the first time so that’s a good thing!

So encourage me to go all the way!