I’m assuming you’r3 seated.

Take a sheet of paper and get a pen.

Now, raise your right foot and make clockwise circles with your foot. While you’re doing that, write the number 6 on that piece of paper.

Could you do it?

Nobody can! When your foot is going clockwise – everything’s gotta go clockwise.

It’s the weirdest feeling isn’t it. You’re telling the pen to write a 6 and how freakin difficult is that?

Anyway, that’s my fun for today.

We’ve been living in New Zealand for a couple of years and all that time our house in Australia has been on the market.  The financial stress of paying the mortgage and paying a full time caretaker has really been tough for me.

Well, we have a contract for sale on the house.  We should know in a few days if their financing has been approved and then we just have to wait for the settlement.  I can’t tell you how much pressure this takes off both of us.  This is a photo of our house and it sits on 5 acres overlooking the city.

The house is beautiful and we built it together. At 7,000 sq. ft. it’s really too big for the two of us now that we’re getting older.  I want to travel.  I want to spend more time with my kids in the states.

So now we have to think about where we’d like to live.  Because we work on the net we can live anywhere where there’s a fast internet connection.  I’m really looking forward to exploring all our options.  I’m also thinking about building an eco friendly home.

I feel like going outside and yelling, “YAY!!!”

The good news is that I’m slowly, ever so slowly, turning my life around. I’m in a happier head space. I’m still working too many hours but I have started going to the gym with some friends and I started a yoga class. Nobody would ever use my photo in any yoga pose but after a few classes I don’t feel so much like a broken pretzle.

The eating is getting better too. I’ve started not filling my plate and telling myself I wouldn’t eat it all. How stupid was that in the first place? If I know I don’t want to eat much at any meal, putting extra on my plate so I could prove I wasn’t eating so much is total wackiness.

My plan is to increase the exercise time, stay with the yoga and make time to meditate every morning. I need time to be still with my thoughts. Fingers crossed!

I lost my way.  I stopped taking care of myself and putting my health first and put everything and everyone else ahead of me.  I stopped exercising because I just didn’t have the time I told myself.  We had to let our staff go and we needed to do the work.  I kept telling myself that it wasn’t fair for me to go for a 30 minute walk while he was working.

Surely I’m not alone in making bad choices where my health is concerned.  I’m going to try again to get back into the groove of eating properly. I need small portions and no eating between meals and I know from past experience that this will work.

Why is it so difficult?

I suppose a smoker wouldn’t worry about the ceiling any more than they’d worry about the warning on a cigarette pack.  Smoking isn’t funny but this room is! 

So what can we do?  What reward system would give us a pat on the back in the same way that food has historically done for us?  The only difference would be no guilt or remorse for overeating at the end.

1. Give  yourself a compliment.  Go ahead, go to the mirror and look at yourself and give yourself a compliment.  Maybe you’ve been kind to someone today.  Maybe you really like the arch of your eyebrows.  Maybe you like the way you smile.  There’s always something about us to be complimented on.
2. Get some sticky notes and write a message that’s meaningful to you and stick it to the fridge or the bathroom mirror.   For instance; “I have gone 2 days without binge eating!”
3. Pamper yourself.  I know we’re all really busy with our lives and there’s never enough time to take care of ourselves properly but today, just do it.  Put yourself first.  Don’t mow the lawn.  Don’t go shopping.  Don’t do anything that you don’t feel like doing.  It’s a great buzz to do this every once in a while.  You will feel special through and through.
4. Set small goals for your weight loss.  When you reach one — reward yourself.  I use a piggy bank and when I’ve lost a kilo (2.2 lbs) I put in $5.   What will I do with it?  I have no idea but just knowing it’s there and I got it by losing weight makes me feel good.
5. Start a new hobby.  Sure, none of us have time for that but what’s the real reason you wouldn’t do it?  You feel that you “should” spend your time doing for others.  That’s crap!  I’m guilty of that too but I’m trying to wean myself from it.  You don’t have to live for your new hobby but take some time every day to do something you enjoy.  Golf, tennis, knitting, cards, gardening – you name it.  Permit yourself some time during every day to your hobby.  It might be as little as making a date for tennis.

That’s my thoughts for the day.  Do you have ways to reward yourself that you’d like to share with others.  I know I’m not the only emotional eater out there.

From TheAge newspaper in Melbourne, Australia November 27th, 2009.

Australian scientists have confirmed what many chocoholics already know, that “comfort food” can reduce stress.

Eating foods rich in fat and sugar can alter the chemical composition of the brain and reduce anxiety, says Professor of Pharmacology Margaret Morris.

Prof Morris, from the University of NSW School of Medical Sciences, conducted a study of rats which showed the effects of past trauma could be erased through “unlimited access to yummy food”.

“Implementing that diet reversed their anxiety … it took an animal back to the non-stressed state,” Prof Morris told AAP.

“We really don’t know why that happens but there seems to be a biochemical link.”

The research started with different groups of baby rats – one group grew up with normal contact with their mothers, while the other group had lengthy periods of separation.

Rats with a more traumatic early life were found to have higher levels of stress hormones and fewer steroid receptors in the part of the brain which controls behaviour.

The signals for “anxiety and depression” eventually disappeared among those rats who were later switched to the all-you-can-eat junk food diet.

“The control group had no effect from the diet really, but the stressed animals had a deficit … which was restored by the diet.”

“(The) food seems to affect neurogenesis similar to the way anti-depressants promote nerve growth in the brain.”

Prof Morris cautioned while the results were not immediately transferable to people, it did show support “the therapeutic value of comfort food” and hint at explanations for other patterns of human behaviour.

“If you ask people what they eat when they are stressed, they eat more chocolate, cakes and sweets, and less fish, vegetables and fruit,” she said.

And: “There is good evidence that if we look at people who have experienced trauma as a child tend to be heavier as adults”.

The study also should not be seen as an endorsement of eating junk food, Prof Morris said, noting this would set people on a path to other serious health problems.

Future research would aim to determine whether other rewarding activities – such as exercise – could have a similar stress-busting affect on rats’ brains.

The research was conducted jointly with PHD student Jayanthi Maniam, and it is published in the journal psychoneuroendrocrinology.

I’m sure I’m not alone in saying that every Thanksgiving you prepare all your favorite things that you’ve enjoyed year after year around the holidays.  Right?  This year I didn’t.  I didn’t make my grandmother’s stuffing because I know I can’t leave it alone.  I didn’t make ANY fancy desserts because again, I would sneak a bite here and there when I was feeling low.  I cooked enough for one nice dinner and I ate more protein than I usually do because we eat a lot of beef and I have a tough time getting it chewed well enough to slip through the lap band.

After dinner I felt terrific and didn’t have any “after Thanksgiving dinner remorse” that I remember so well for SO many years.  Did you overeat or did you trim the menu this year so you wouldn’t be so tempted?

After my recent problems with my computer and wordpress, I often felt like Costello when talking to the computer people!

Imagine how the conversation would go when Costello goes to Abbott to buy a new computer.

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue ‘W’.

COSTELLO: I’m going to click your blue ‘w’ if you don’t start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes.. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on ‘START’……….…

I was on the phone today with my son in Atlanta and he’s having similar problems.  Maybe it’s genetic.  He told me that he loved being with all his family for the holiday but he is feeling guilty ahead of time that he’s eaten too much.  How sad is that?

Every year about this time I sit down and think to myself that this year will be different.  I won’t eat all my favorite foods because I know as soon as I swallow I’ll regret it.  I crave the feeling I get when I eat food that brings back happy memories.  Maybe I’m just nuts in addition to being overweight.

My lapband is still in place and although I talk about overeating like I eat 9 platesful at every meal, I don’t.  I haven’t gained any weight but I still haven’t lost the last 30 pounds.  I know I’ll feel better healthwise if I get it off and I know I’ll be more active if I do, so I’m committed to getting it off.

Maybe I should just stick to a New Year resolution and enjoy myself.