You’re wondering where I’ve been?  Lots of people are but that’s a different story. 

Somehow my wordpress login stopped working.  Can you get people to help you when you’re having trouble?  Sure but it’s gonna take a while.  A while was til today.

So I apologize that I haven’t updated anything since the first report on our trip to Europe with “the olds”.  Life has gone on, however, and I’ll begin talking about my weight loss again.  I put on some weight during our trip.  Let’s say Ille Flottant in Paris Salzburger Nokerl, and Pavlova back in Australia added to my undoing.  Can you tell that I like meringue?

The holidays are upon us and I need to ensure that I don’t eat the wrong things.  With a gastric band, we’re limited on the amount we can eat so if we eat the wrong things, we risk not getting enough nutrition.  It’s possible to gain weight if all you eat is sweet stuff.  That’s where the emotional eating problem really kicks in.

Let’s say for instance the feeling is, “I feel bad today and if I had something sweet, I’d feel better.  I always felt better when my mother said, ‘there there, it’s okay, have a cookie’.”  I know that once I conquer the need to eat to feel better, then I’ll have the weight issues under control.

What are your ways to beat the munchies on a bad day?

After my stepson’s graduation we took my husband’s parents to Scotland to visit cousins who live there while we headed to Aberdeen to visit friends of ours.  The following day we picked them up and flew to London.  We were eagerly anticipating seeing the show War Horse that had received heaps of accolades in the press both in London and back in Australia.

My father-in-law was paying for the four of us plus his grandson, his grandson’s girlfriend and my husband’s ex-wife who was there for graduation and to help my stepson organize getting all his crap back to Australia after 5 years at university.  I wasn’t too sure about the show choice.  I would have preferred a musical but the ex and my stepson were really keen to see this War Horse play.

The show is about a horse (obviously) as a young foal and all that happens to him as he makes his way towards becoming a war horse in the first world war.   Joey is an imposing puppet (full size freakin horse puppet) made of bamboo, nylon, bicycle chain and leather, and its three human operators are clearly visible, but not long into the show the horse ceases to be a puppet and is perceived by everyone in the autidence to be a living, breathing force onstage.

Well, the only thing fantastic about the play to me were the puppets.  Horses and a funny goose caught my eye.  The actual play I thought was pretty ordinary.  So here I am sitting with all the family thinking, “it will be awful if I’m the only one to think this is less than stellar writing.”

The play ended and my father-in-law (remember he’s 90 and he’s paid a fortune for the 7 tickets) comes out of the theatre and everyone is raving about how fantastic the puppets were and Rob says, “the puppets were ok but the whole thing was pretty ordinary if you ask me.”

Turns out, it was the only thing on the whole trip that we really didn’t enjoy.  Watch for the post on taking him to the Moulin Rouge!

The trip to Europe with “the olds” as we lovingly call John’s parents was a spectacular success, with only a few small hiccups.  The first day, just getting to Australia to pick them up, John lost all the train tickets.  Train tickets are like cash, you lose, you really lose.  So $4000 later and a dash to meet someone from the ticketing agency at the airport in Melbourne, we had new tickets.  Only $4000 dear, it’s only money, we can claim it on insurance if we lost them or they were stolen.  (Notice how I said we when we both know HE had the tickets, but then he was stressing and worrying big time.)

Off we went to England.  The main focus on the trip was to attend my stepson’s graduation at Reading University in England.  It all went off perfectly and everyone was happy.  It had been 9 months since John had seen his son so he couldn’t wait to catch up at dinner that night.  Now John’s dad is 90 and he’d been flying from Australia to England and he was exhausted.  Sure we had flat seats to lie down on but he’s still pretty old.  He insisted on going to dinner anyway but halfway through he started feeling very uncomfortable due to arthritis.

We drove back to our hotel and I took the olds up to their room while John went around the block and through the village to get to the back of the hotel to the parking garage.  When he got in I asked him to ring his parents and check to make sure his dad was ok.

“Not until I have had my shower!” he said.  He did ring their room and there was no answer so I started getting concerned.  Why didn’t I go? Ummm..  I’d collapsed on the bed and well, they are HIS parents after all.

When he came out  of the shower I asked him to check again and still no answer in their room.

“Put your pants on and go check on them or we’ll never be able to rest tonight,” I begged.

Off he went and he was gone about 20 minutes.  I figured he was having a chat with them and he’d be back and I was so tired that frankly it didn’t matter.  He was dealing with them and I could relax.

20 minutes later he comes in the room and he’s laughing.

“I rounded the corner and there there both were wandering the hallway in their jammies.”

“Why?”

“When I rang the phone, dad was in the loo and he knew that mum couldn’t hear the phone so he hurried out to answer it.  He came out the door and turned left and opened the door to the room instead of turning right and going around to where the bed and the phone was.  He knocked on the door but mum couldn’t hear him, so he started looking for our room but he couldn’t remember the number so he was wandering around hoping one room would look familiar.”

“What did you do?” I asked.

“When mum realized that he wasn’t in the room she thought he was having a senile moment and had taken off so she ran out of the room and then heard ‘click’ when the door closed.  She decided to worry about that later and find him first.  She went up and down all 4 halls and finally found him and when I got there, she was scolding him merrily and it was all his fault that they were outside in their jammies.”

“So what did you do???” I asked again.

“Oh, I went downstairs and asked for a key to their room and the guy asked me if I had any ID and I said no and he said he couldn’t help me without ID for that room.  So I told him my parents, dad is 90 and mum is 84, were wandering the halls in their pajamas and could he send someone up to let them in their room.  They didn’t have ID either.  So he gave me the key and I let them in and settled them down and they’re fine.”

That was day one.  It was a great trip, although taking really old people on a European holiday is like taking little kids. You can’t yell at them and you can’t hit them.

I told you that I hurt my back before we left on our trip to England.  I saw a physiotherapist and a doctor and finally the day before we left home I had a massage.

When I lived in Australia I had a massage guy that was fantastic but since I’ve lived in New Zealand I haven’t found anyone who always finds the right spots that are causing problems.  Not until this guy.

We spent a few minutes talking about what I’d had done since I started feeling crap and then he asked me to get on the table.  Good enough for most people but the guy is well over 6′ tall and he had to bring a chair over for me to climb on to get on the table.  Normally that isn’t a good sign because I don’t like dwelling on the fact that I’m shorter than most people.

I let it pass because I could tell in an instant that he was from Canada.  I’m from Maine so it was never far from Canada when I was growing up.

The massage went well and I could tell he was hitting all the right spots and then he said, “I’d like you to lie on your left side and draw your weenies up.”

I raised my head and must have had the most quizzical look on my face as I said, “I don’t have a weenie.”

He fell about laughing.  He was laughing so hard that he had to sit down.

“Darlin, I said wee knees.  I lived in Dunedin in the South Island for a long time and we say wee for everything.”

Ok, I had to laugh.

My back is much better and the flight from Auckland to Melbourne to Singapore to Dubai to London went off without a hitch.  We’re settled in the hotel and it’s my turn for the shower.

I know I haven’t lost enough weight even with the gastric band to deserve a new present but I got one anyway.  I got new contact lenses!

My husband got some new glasses and contacts last week and on the way home from his appointment I said, “I wish I could wear contacts but  was told I couldn’t.”

“When were you told that,” he asked.

“Umm, probably 20 years ago,” and I felt stupid when I said that.  I’d never bothered checking all these years when I got new glasses.

We went to pick up his contacts last Monday and I asked the optometrist to check my prescription and see if I could wear contacts.

“Sure, no problem at all, do you want me to order some for you?” she said.

I tried to hide the excitement from my voice because I didn’t want to look totally stupid for not realizing that things had improved over the last half of my life.  When I first started wearing glasses they couldn’t do anything for astigmatism with lenses.

They arrived yesterday and I tested them out at the office and it’s fantastic!  No more little boxes to look through.  I told my husband that it’s not MY fault that I never had contacts before now, it’s the optometrist’s fault for not telling me they were available!  That’s right, isn’t it?

I’ll certainly enjoy my holiday with my new eyes!

I haven’t written much lately because I’ve had a bum back.  I have heard about people with “lower back pain” for years but never ever thought it would happen to me.  We’re getting ready to go to England for my stepson’s university graduation and here I am barely able to move.  I was devastated!  I made an appointment with the doctor and with a physiotherapist and I’d have gone to a faith healer if I thought it would work but I’d probably have to have faith in them and I guess I don’t.

I’ve lived on anti-inflammatory drugs and codeine until I got so constipated that I hurt in back and in front too.  Then I got tramadol.  I hate taking drugs but I hate pain even more.  I don’t want to miss this trip because we’ve got plans to go to London, Glasgow, Paris, Salzburg and Rome.  The way I felt last week meant I couldn’t go at all.  I would have had to sit at home alone. snif snif  I was really upset.

Then yesterday it all started coming together.  The drugs started to work and the physio started showing results and today I can sit without pain and I can get up from my chair without wishing I had a crane next to my chair.

Another doctor’s appointment and another physio appointment and a massage just before I leave on Tuesday and I’m getting on the plane!

Everyone who has a gastric lapband will tell you that we all want to find that sweet spot where we have enough fill in the band to give us good restriction while allowing us to eat enough to stay healthy.  It’s not easy!  Some people visit the clinic many times getting more saline injected into the port and then back again to get some out.

Late last month I got the second fill and got too much in there and couldn’t swallow spit, so now I know that if I gurgle just after the fill that it’s too tight.  Gurgling is NOT good.

It’s important to note that when you have a gastric band that doesn’t have the proper fill, you might as well not have a gastric band at all.  No restriction isn’t going to get you to your goal and will allow you to gain weight instead of lose.  So after all you went through to get the band put on (meaning the tests, insurance and permissions you needed to obtain prior), you’ve done it all for nothing.

My fill is pretty tight.  I can’t eat in the morning until I have had  a cup of tea or coffee and that seems to “oil the works” so that food goes down ok.  If I don’t eat regularly during the day, I have to have a hot drink before I do eat.

What happens if I eat before I drink something hot?  Pain.  Not pain that I’m going to die but quite a bit of discomfort.  It’s like a baby elephant is sitting on my chest.    I’ve learned that if I have the slightest inkling that food’s not going down well, I stop eating immediately.  I wait about 10 to 15 minutes and then try the hot drink and food will go down nicely.

Many people with gastric bands will tell you that there are a few foods that they cannot eat.  White bread is a good one.  They can eat toast but not plain white bread.  I haven’t found anything that won’t go down as long as I eat small bites and chew each bite thoroughly.

I had an appointment with the diabetes nurse this week and she was really pleased with the 4.5 kg (nearly 10 pounds) that I have lost.  I’m getting closer to that goal all the time.  I want to weigh under 140.   I have 19 pounds to go.  I have started walking with the group again – one hour 3 mornings a week and sometimes even on Saturday morning.  Why are the last 20 pounds the most difficult?  I have no idea but that’s how it seems to me.

Well, when the doctor said she could hear me gurgling after my lapband fill I had a bit of concern but I really want the weight off so I said I’d go with that amount and see how I went.  I got home and I could eat runny soup so I figured I was just fine.

I felt good.  I got on the exercise bike and rode for a while, did some chores, worked at my job for a while and decided to rest.  When I got up I felt a really heavy sensation in my chest.  It was like I needed to burp the size of a hot air balloon while an elephant was sitting on my chest.  I figured it would go away so I watched some tv, did some more chores.  A house that hasn’t been lived in for a year has lots to do.  Dust everywhere!  I’m not coming back til October so I need to make sure it’s clean and all the soft furniture is covered when I leave.

So, next morning, Thursday, I still felt pretty crap so I called my surgeon’s office and the first appointment I could get was Friday afternoon at 3:45 and I had to drive to Yarrawonga (neat name, eh?)  about an hour from where I am.  I wasn’t sure I could wait that long but I didn’t have a lot of choice.  I decided to invite my friend Pete for a bowl of soup for dinner.  Pete will eat anything and he has a new Scottish terrier puppy and I wanted to play with her.  I called him and told him he could come for soup or he could just send the dog.  They both arrived.

I put the food on the table and took one very tiny sip off the spoon and had the most intense pain in my chest.  It wasn’t going down.  In about an hour I couldn’t swallow saliva.  Not good.  We all assume that when we swallow it’s going to go down.  I’ve never thought about not being able to swallow spit!  I didn’t sleep all night because it was really hard to breathe and I worried I would fall asleep and not breathe.  Doc says that’s not going to happen, I’ll always wake up but that night I wasn’t convinced.

Just before 3pm I arrived at the hospital in Yarrawonga where my doctor was working for the day.  I know, 3 was early but since I was being squeezed in, I decided that maybe I wouldn’t have to wait that extra 45 minutes.  I was in quite a bit of discomfort by this point.

She looked at me and said, “I apologize for saying this, Maureen, but you look like shit.”

Of course that made me feel better.  Then she said that if she took some fluid out of the band I would have either instant relief or there was a serious problem with the band.

I got on the table, pillow under my stomach area and she stabbed..  no joy, she missed the port.  Stab again.  Missed again.  I was feeling like a pin cushion.  Then boom, she took out 1 cc of fluid and the pain instantly left.  I felt like a new person.

I sipped some water and I could feel it going down – cool, refreshing and very much needed.  I’d had one cup of tea in 2 days.  It took me one day just to get it all down.

She suggested that I stop in town and get a milkshake to get some calories and fluid in and pick up a bottle of water.  That was the best tasting milkshake ever.  I had a delightful drive back home on a beautiful sunny Autumn afternoon.  By the time I got home I was exhausted from having no sleep the night before.

If you have a band and you’re not in a place that does barium swallows with lapband fills, know that if you gurgle when you drink that first sip of water after the fill, you’re gonna end up in trouble. 

Next fill, October 29th.  It will be a lovely Spring day.  Hopefully I’ll have nearly all my weight off by then.  I’ve lost 3 1/2 pounds this week.  Not eating or drinking isn’t a smart way to lose weight.

I came back to Australia a couple of days ago to see my surgeon and get another fill in my lapband.  I’ve now got 6 cc’s in a 10 cc band.  I don’t think I can hold any more, although by the numbers I should be able to get 4 more in there.  Fat chance!

After she injected the saline into the port under the skin up and to the right of my belly button,  she asked me to drink some water – slowly without talking so I didn’t swallow any air.

“Maybe that’s too much, I can hear you gurgling from over here,” she said.

Like I want to go around gurgling!

The water went down ok and no pain so I said I wanted to keep it in the band and I’d just eat even more slowly than I have been.  I’m determined to get this weight off over the next 6 months.  That’s my goal.  All off in 6 months.

I’m not that far off my goal so if I get in gear and do the walking, the weight training with the dumbells and eat to my plan, my commitment to myself will all be worth it.

Now, about this EFT.  I told my surgeon about it and told her I felt really foolish doing it with my shrink but I still have no cravings for sweets and I haven’t looked for something to put in my mouth for a week.  I know it’s not a sure thing but I haven’t gone a week without eating for emotional or anxiety reasons for more than 30 years.  Who knows, maybe it’s 40 years.  It’s certainly been a long time.

I found out that an acquaintance of mine is an EFT counselor in town I used to live in back in Australia (errr..  where I am right now) so I’m seeing her tomorrow just to see what she has to say about it.  My shrink didn’t give me tons of details.  When he told me what we were going to do I rolled my eyes and he said, “You’ve done it your way for 40 years and it hasn’t worked, at least TRY it.”  I couldn’t argue with that logic.

I’ll post more photos in a few weeks.

Oh..  according to the surgeon I lost 3 kilos over the past month.  Not enough.  Better than gaining though!  Any loss is better than gaining.

I went to the nutritional psychologist for another appointment.  The amount I’m spending on this journey of mine keeps going higher and higher but I feel like I’m getting closer to the reasons I look for comfort in food. Today we talked about anxiety being the reason I need to have something in my mouth.  Chocolate is ok but when I’m really stressing it could be anything, as long as I’m chewing.

I expected the shrink to tut tut when I told him that but he said I wasn’t alone.  Most everyone who eats for an emotional reason does the same thing.  Some crave salty foods, some crave chocolate and then there are people like Oprah and me who visit the pantry door or the open fridge and wait for something new to magically appear.

So today he asked me if I was familiar with EFT or tapping.  I remember reading something about tapping a few years ago but I pooh poohed it thinking it was pretty nutty.  Well, that’s where we’re delving now.  We spent much of the hour today talking about E=motional F=reedom T=echnique.  The theory behind it is that it’s similar to acupuncture in that it works on the connection of your body’s subtle connections.  It’s been called emotional acupuncture.

The tapping comes in when you identify something you want to get rid of in your life, like a memory of your mother saying something really awful to you when you were 7 and you always remember it with a negative emotion.

According to my doctor, while tapping on acupressure points along meridians, or pathways of energy throughout the body, and being tuned in to a specific problem or issue, the mind/body energy system is “straightened out,” and the energy becomes available so we can heal.  That’s why it’s called EFT – emotional freedom technique.

You make a statement and then tap on the end points of the body’s meridians or energy pathways thinking about whatever it is that you want to work on.   I have no idea how it works or IF it works but since we did it in his office I haven’t stood in the kitchen looking for something to eat.  One day isn’t a cure, so we’ll see how it goes.

If you have had success with EFT, can you let me know?